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Royal Stuarts
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part ane

Narrator:   Welcome to "Kings and Crowns" where the Royal Stuarts present a fresh look at the monarchs of Scotland.

In this, our first episode of "James, A King First & For Most", we find the young Prince James of Scotland and his faithful side kick, William Giffard on Bass Rock just off the eastern coast of Scotland. They have just narrowly escaping the clutches of the Prince's evil uncle, the Duke of Albany but find themselves stuck between the rock and his uncle.

The year is 1406 and the young Prince is beginning to have second thoughts about the safety of Bass Rock.

Giffard     Jimmy, check out those waves.

James      I have seen waves before; I'm not a baby.

Giffard     There are some totally radical rides out there, man.

James      Giffardthe water is cold and foreboding. If you were to plunge into even one wave, you would likely wash into the sea, forever forgotten.

Giffard     No way, dude. You just gotta keep moving, not let the waves getcha.

James      If only life could be so simple.

Giffard     Life is, man. Just relax and go with it. You're way too tense.

James      I am the Prince of Scotland; a symbol of the future for my country. Someday I will be king, should I live that long. I must and will strive to be more than mortal men, to stand as an icon for God's good grace.

Gifford     Whoa, your Grace, what's with the vocab?

James      Ever since I was a small boy I have listened to those at court speak of my father as feeble minded. They did so in order to ignore him; they scorned his decisions and made a mockery of his ability to be king. I will not be so quickly passed off, set aside or made to play the fool.

Gifford Yo Jimmy, lighten up.

James      I can't! I have got to figure out a way to escape my Uncle, the Duke of Albany. If he gets hold of me I'm likely to end up dead, starved to death in some prison just like my brother. Once I am out of the way there is nothing standing between my Uncle and the crown except my father. And no one would lift a finger to save him, the poor doddering fool. I thought I had outsmarted my uncle by rowing out here to Bass Rock. But instead, we're stuck out here in the middle of the ocean and I don't know what to do.

Giffard     Let it be. You just gotta ride the wave you're given.

James      Until you hit a rock.

Giffard     Dude!

James      It's no use. Every time I think I have a good plan it turns out to be a bad one.

Giffard     So think of something else.

James      What?

Giffard     I don't know, Jimmy. You're the one that thinks there's a problem.

James      There is a problem. We're stuck here on this rock.

Giffard     Ships come by. We could catch a lift.

James      And go back to Scotland? That would just put me in the hands of my Uncle Albany.

Giffard     So don't go to Scotland, dude.

James      Where else is there, England? Oh, that would be great. I could become a guest of the English King, spend years as part of the English court whiling away the hours learning French, Latin, poetry and music. As the years go by I could partake in jousts and court festivities. Eventually, when England goes to war with France, which is inevitable, I could be used as a soldier of the field learning military strategy first hand. I would be a favorite of the English King, knighted by his own hand, attend his wedding and the coronation of his queen. Then, when I do finally return to Scotland, I would truly be a man to be listened to, a leader others will follow, a king the whole world will notice.

Giffard     Dude, chill! One wave at a time.

James      You're right. Like any of that would ever happen. All I would end up doing is spending 18 years as a political prisoner, just what my Uncle Albany would want. Even if I did go to England, if my father found out, the shock would kill him.

Giffard     So, where else is there, France, Denmark, Italy?

James      Wait a minute. I think you've got it. France would be perfect. My cousin lives there. He's fashioned himself the Constable of the Scot's Army and would certainly be a safe host for awhile.

Giffard     Cool.

James      Giffard, you're a genius. What would I ever do without you?

Narrator:   Stay tune for our next episode of "James, A King First & For Most" when you will see the young Prince turned King lamenting his capture by English pirates.

part twa

Narrator:   Welcome again to "Kings and Crowns" where the Royal Stuarts present a fresh look at the monarchs of Scotland.

In the last episode of "James, A King First & For Most" we saw the young Prince James disembark for France. Little did he know he would be taken captive by English pirates. The news of his capture caused the his father, Robert III of Scotland to die of grief. James is now, James I held prisoner in England while his uncle, the Duke of Albany rules Scotland.

In this episode the year is 1415 and King James begins to think about possible heirs.

Giffard     Yo Maj, how's it hanging?

James      Oh, Giffard, I am so alone.

Giffard     Hey, I'm here.

James      Yes, but I crave companionship of another sort.

Giffard     Have you ever thought about a cow, dude?

James      A cow?

Giffard     Cows are warm and moo and like they give milk.

James      Have you been sleeping in the stables again?

Giffard     Yes. Why?

James      Because you stink. Go stand over there. You're worse than my bed linen.

Giffard     Does your bed stink, too?

James      Where are you going?

Giffard     To smell your bed?

James      No, don't! It smells bad enough without adding your special aroma to it. Yes, it 'stinks'. I have not had clean linen for my bed in over two years, not since Henry the V of England was crowned.

Giffard     Dude, that's rank!

James      What bothers me is that Murdoch, a common noble and a prisoner like myself, has his linen changed every week.

Giffard     Murdoch has connections, dude. His father is the Duke of Albany and like Governor of Scotland.

James      I am King of Scotland; you would think the king might come first.

Giffard     Oh yea, right! Get serious.

James      Giffard, that's it. That is the problem. Neither King Henry or my Uncle Albany take me seriously. I need something to make them notice me. I shall write my uncle a letter and get Murdoch to include a few lines as well. Then I will sign it, "with my loving cousin, Murdoch" to show my uncle how we have become fast friends.

Giffard     But yesterday you said you hated his guts?

James      It is a ploy, Giffard; something I don't expect you to understand.

Giffard     You're going to write a ploy? Dude! Can I have a part? I've always wanted to be an actor.

James      No, Giffard, the part of the fool is already taken.

Giffard     By who?

James      By me!

Giffard     Is there a womans part? I could be a woman.

James      No Giffard. You do not get to be a woman.

Giffard     So, what's the ploy going to be about, dude?

James      I do not know.

Giffard     So, why are you staring out the window.

James      I have often sat staring out this window longing to find some hope of a future.

Giffard     Have you found anything?

James      No, but it helps me think.

"And there I cast down my eye again, where I saw, walking under the tower"

Giffard     What do you see now?

James      A woman.

Giffard     Really? Who is she?

James      No one. She is there only in my mind. Someone I have yet to meet.

Giffard     Dude, you're losing it.

James      "the fairest or the freshest young flower that ever I saw, before that hour."

Giffard     Major time!

Enter Joan

Joan      Excuse me. My Uncle, King Henry, told me to bring these fresh linen for your bed.

Gifford Who are you?

Joan      Joan Beaufort, Niece of the King and I betcha don't know why I've got fresh linen.

Giffard     Betcha I don't care. The bed's over there.

Joan      Ew, what stinks?

Giffard     It's probably just the old bed linen.

Joan      No it's not. It's you. Ew, next time empty the chamber pot before you sleep in it.

Giffard     Hey, I don't sleep in no chamber pot; I sleep in the stables.

Joan      Why? Isn't there a prison cell for you here in the tower?

Giffard     Yes, but there are cows in the stables.

Joan      You like cows?

Giffard     Cows can be nice.

Joan      You're weird.

Giffard     You think I'm weird, get a load of fruit loops here.

Joan      What's he doing?

Giffard     Staring out that window and writing about some imaginary woman.

Joan      Is there anyone?

Giffard     No! That's what imaginary means.

Joan      I know that, stinky. I just wondered if he'd met his true love yet.

Giffard     Not yet, puff berry.

Joan      I was just asking, poo poo head.

James      As I studied her hair so sweet and light, my wits were overcome with pleasure and delight, for the letting of my eyes on her face fall my heart became the prisoner of her all.

Joan      That's pretty. Who's it for?

Giffard     Nobody. He just likes to write, sometimes.

James      "Are you Cupid's own princess, come are to loosen my earthly band? Or are you Nature the very godess, painting flowers, as they stand."

Joan      Gee, I wish somebody would write stuff about me like that.

Giffard     Well, don't hold your breath, ferret face.

Joan      I have to the way you smell, cow pie.

Giffard     Oh, give me those sheet and go away.

Joan      Not until you guess why I have them.

Giffard     Because you're practicing at being a parasite.

Joan      No, 'cause Murdoch was sent back to Scotland, that's why.

Giffard     What?

James      Is there something wrong, Giffard?

Giffard     Ah, no dude, just fixing the linen. Ouch!

Joan      Your hand stinks.

Giffard     You kicked me.

Joan      Get away from me.

Giffard     Not until you tell me why Murdoch was released.

Joan      It seems his father, the Duke of Albany is getting old and needed someone to take over ruling Scotland.

Giffard     Oh, that's gonna go over like a ton of lead bricks.

Joan      Ha ha ha ha ha.

James      What?

Giffard     Oh nothing, dude. Go back to your writing.

James      I would except the two of you keep making all this racket. And why are you wrestling with the maid anyway?

Joan      I'm not a maid. My uncle . . .

Giffard     Is a stable owner and she is just . . .Ouch! Would you stop that?

Joan      Not until you let me go!

James      I think I'll leave the two of you alone and go find a quiet spot in the garden to write.

Exits James

Giffard     Dude, that was close.

Joan      You touch me again and I'll have my Uncle cut off your head.

Giffard     If I never see you again it will be too soon.

Joan      Oh, you'll see me again. You're never getting rid of me.

Giffard     Great, just when I need to figure out a way to see if I can keep Jimmy's mind on more important things than poetry I've got the tower brat to contend with.

Joan      Yea, well why don't you and your friend just go off to France with my Uncle Henry and fight in that stupid war. This is my tower, not yours.

Giffard     You know, kid. That's not a bad idea. Ouch!

Narrator:   Stay tuned for our next episode of "James, A King First & For Most" when King James finally returns to Scotland and seeks revenge on his cousin Murdoch.

part three

Narrator:   Welcome to "Kings and Crowns" where the Royal Stuarts present a fresh look at the monarchs of Scotland.

In the last episode of "James, A King First & For Most" we saw King James and his anger over the release of Murdoch from the tower of London. It would be another nine years before James would secure his own freedom by marrying the lovely Joan Beaufort, niece to Henry V.

In this episode the year is 1424 and James, newly married to Joan, finally returns to Scotland where he intends to settle the score with his cousin Murdoch.

Enter Joan & James

James      Well, Joan, less than a month after our marriage and I am taking you to Scotland.

Joan      James, I knew the consequences when I married you.

James      Did you? Do you really know what is in store for us in Scotland?

Joan      Long life, happiness, children, what more is there?

James      Political intrigue, games of cat and mouse, perhaps even assassins.

Joan      You are too serious, James. You are free now; you should be festive. Enjoy life.

James      There is so much to do.

Joan      And we have a lifetime to accomplish it, together.

James      Yes, but 18 years were taken away from me. Somehow I feel the need to make up for lost time.

Joan      Ah, but if you had not stayed in London those 18 years we would not have met.

James      True.

Joan      So, take a moment. I realize you have an agenda, and I support your desires to establish the Kings Authority. But, if you strike too fast the nobles will rebel and then where will you be?

James      You are right. I can not demand my rights as king from subjects who have lived so long without one.

Joan      So, today you meet with the finest nobles of Scotland as a free King. What will you do?

James      Walk on egg shells?

Joan      I am not sure that is necessary either. Try speaking to them in a manly fashion, something you do so well. Do so and they will respect you.

James      Not all of them are interested in respecting me.

Joan      Last report has over 60 nobles with all their attendants granted safe passage into England to welcome you back. Such a strong showing bodes well for their interest in your return.

James      Not necessarily. Many may be here only to further their own ambitions.

Joan      Are there any that you suspect directly oppose your return?

James      A few, but fortunately many of them are noticeably absent.

Joan      Your cousin Murdoch for one?

James      With out a doubt. He has sent one of three sons and a proxy to show courtesy to the king, but in faith he is hiding away in Fife trying to solidify support before the inevitable transfer of power to me.

Joan      Who else is absent?

James      Several nobles are in France fighting the English.

Joan      And you condone this?

James      No.

Joan      Then call them back.

James      Their absence is not all bad. Together they wield a great deal of power in Scotland. Should the English fight another Agincourt I would not mind if these nobles never returned.

Joan      But you signed a truce with England to last 7 years.

James      I know, but they departed for France before I was released from London so I am over looking their excursion. I must present a list of nobles who are to take my place in prison to those gathered here today. With those few nobles in France I am far more likely to get my list accepted.

Joan      Have you included some their family members on your list?

James      None of their direct family but many of their supporters as well as those that support Murdoch.

Joan      Ah, so you take away their supporters and they will have to obey your wishes.

James      Were it that easy. No, unfortunately this is but one step in the process. We will be busy over the next two years trying to become king.

Joan      Can I help in any way?

James      You will. You are the dove, the sweet flower that seduces the bee into a false sense of security. I shall keep you by my side. And when we travel to Stirling or Inverness, Perth or Aberdeen you will be with me.

Joan      I see. Your enemies will hardly suspect you of fighting battles with your Queen in tow.

James      Exactly.

Enter Giffard

Giffard     Yo Maj, the nobles are hanging in the great hall, just waiting for the word.

James      What is the weather, Giffard? How does their wind blow?

Giffard     It's pretty cold right now, Dude. But the sky's clear. That's no matter, though as they've got a huge fire going and it's pretty warm over there.

James      No, Giffard, I meant what are their attitudes? What are they discussing prior to my arrival?

Giffard     They're all pretty quiet. Not sure what to expect.

James      As they should be. It has been 18 years since my father reigned over them and he was ridiculed by most. Now, they finally have a king to content with and they are unsure of what to do.

Joan      Be their king and they will know to follow.

James      I just have to get passed this first test.

Giffard     Dude, you've been studying for this all your life. I think you're ready.

James      Yes, but after today I must arrange to have Murdoch taken prisoner along with his sons and the other nobles that support him. And even then not all at once so as to not raise alarms. But before I arrest him I must first hold Parliament to solidify my authority as king. Then travel through Fife and up into Ross to circumvent their strongholds there and gain local support. There will be the various local authorities I will need to challenge, the taxes I must impose.

Giffard     Whoa, your Maj, one wave at a time.

James      You are right, Giffard. One wave at a time and simply ride the wave I am given.

Exit James and Joan

Giffard     Until you hit a rock.