Nearly five hundred years ago lived a man name John Stuart. He was a bright and capable young man, handsome and charming. A lucky man or so you would think. Now, you might not think there would be any luck in a name, but it certainly seemed the case with poor John. You see, John was the king's eldest son, and though that might not seem unlucky to start, it didn't turn out to be so lucky for John.

John's father was King Robert of Scotland. Just so there's no confusion, he was not Robert the Bruce of Bannockburn fame, but "The Bruce's" grandson, Robert the II.

Now King Robert was 55 years old when he became king, which is very old for the time. Being so old, he had little want to rule. So during his reign, John was his chief advisor. Unfortunately, John had a younger brother, Robert, who was jealous of John. They often fought over who would become king when their father died.

"I'm not dead yet" complained the king.

This went on for years until one day John was unfortunately kicked in the head by a horse.

"That must of hurt." wondered Robert

"Not really" replied John.

The kick was so severe, John became feeble minded. John's younger brother, Robert, gleefully took on the role of chief advisor. And there was much rejoicing. (Yea)

However, when their father died, John, being the eldest, was made King. And there was much rejoicing. (Yea)

"But he's feeble minded" cried Robert

"But I am the oldest" replied John

"But John is an unlucky name for a king."

"How so?"

"Remember King John of Scotland? No, of course not. Well he had not fared well against the English. Then there was King John of England"

"The one with Robin Hood?"

"Yes, exactly. Not only was he unlucky in his own country but he did even worse against the French. And then there was King John of France who was captured by the English."

"And your point?" said John.

"You can't be king. Your name is too unlucky"

"Then I'll change my name. To Robert."

"But that's my name." complained Robert.

"True, but it is also our father's name and our great-grandfather's. If it was a good name for them it shall be a good name for me."

So, John Stuart tried to change his luck by taking his father's name, Robert.

Even though he was feeble minded, King Robert tried to rule Scotland, but this was not his fate. His youngest brother, Alexander, kicked out the Bishops of Badgenoch and burned down the church. Crime along the highways ran rampant, central government held no authority and the clan wars were out of control.

Finally, Scotland was in such disarray the lords demanded the King give control to his eldest son, David.

"You are completely inept."

A new title was create, the Duke of Rothesay, denoting the eldest son of the King.

"What about me?" wondered Robert.

Another title was created, the Duke of Albany. For David was allowed to rule on one condition, he had to listen to the advice of the King's brother, Robert, the Duke of Albany.

This was not good enough for Albany. For years he was jealous of John and now he was jealous of David. They fought over who would be king when John died.

"I'm not dead yet" complained the king.

The Albany hatched a new plan. He convinced the King that David was after the crown. The poor feeble minded King, fearing for his life, put his own son in captivity. Albany then made sure, no food or water was given to David, and soon he starved to death. Albany was one step closer to the crown.

Fortunately, the King had another son named James. In a desperate hope to save his last son, the old king sent young James to safety in France. Trying to protect James, the King also sent Albany's eldest son. This worked while they were traveling in Scotland. But they had to get through England.

Unfortunately, while on their way to France, Prince James was captured by the King Henry of England. King Henry took it upon himself to teach the young James French and the ways of being a king.

But, news traveled back to Scotland the Prince was captured. Feeling a failure, John or King Robert wrote, "Bury me in a midden. And write on it, 'here lies the worst of Kings, the most wretched of men.'" With that King Robert the III died.

Albany was made Governor of Scotland. Not quite King, but as close as he could get.

Perhaps that is why there have been no more king's named John.