Duke of Norfolk's Bad Day

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Royal Stuarts
All Rights Reserved

The Duke of Norfolk made regular raid on the Northern Marches, and even into Scotland itself. He was hated and feared in the border lands. One day as he stood at the gates of his stronghold, trying to decide in which direction to extend his holdings, a lone Scotsman, auld and grey appeared on the hill to the north shouting obscenities and waving his fist at the stronghold.

Well, Norfolk couldn't stand there and be insulted, so he warned the old ma; " If you don't be quiet, and go back to Scotland where you belong, I'll send my best knight after you to teach you a lesson."

The auld man replied, "Why don't ya? I'm sure I'm as good as any English knight."

So Norfolk called for his best knight and sent him up and over the hill to meet the auld fellow on the field of battle. There was loud screaming and hollering, and clashing of steel, then silence. Pretty soon, the auld Scot appeared back on the crest of the hill and said, "You call that a knight? I've had sheep put up a better fight than that. If that's the best you can do, I'm as good as any 5 English knights."

Well, Norfolk was not going to allow such arrogance to remain unchallenged, so he gathered up of his best knights and sent them up the hill. There was loud screaming and hollering and clashing of steel, then silence. Pretty soon, the auld Scot appeared at the crest of the hill and said, "You call those knights? A bottle of whiskey put up a better fight. If that's the best you can do, I'm as good as any 10 English knights."

Norfolk was outraged. He quickly gather 10 knights and charged them up the hill. Again, there was loud screaming and hollering and clashing of steel. The din went on for hours. But, as before, there came silence and the auld Scot appeared back on the crest of the hill and said, "You call those knights? I've had more trouble fighting with my bed-covers at night. If that's the best you can do, I'm as good as any 20 English knights!"

Well, Norfolk could not stand the insolence of the auld Scot. He gathered 50 men together and charged them up the hill. The clash of steel, the screams of pain, the cries of the fallen men continued for hours. Norfolk could stand it no more, he girded himself for battle, and advance upon the hill. When suddenly, a lone English knight stumbled up and over the hill. His face was bloody, his wounds were deep. His armor was mangled beyond recognition. But he had a Scottish mother and was a brave lad. Seeing the Duke, he called out with his last breath, "Run away. Run away. It's a trap. There's two of them!!!"