No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, translated without prior written permission of the Royal Stuarts

The Bantam Cock

He was a fine upstanding Bantam Cock,
So stiff and brisk and spry,
Wi' a spring in his step and a jaunty plume,
And a purposeful look in his eye,
In his little black laughing eye.

So I took him to the coop and introduced him to
My seventeen wide-eyed hens.
He tooked and he took like a hero tooks,
Then he bowed to them all and then
He up and tooked 'em all again.

He jumped my giggling guinea fowl,
He thrust his attentions upon
My twenty hysterical turkeys and
A visiting migrant swan,
And the bantam thundered on.

He jumped my fantail pigeon doves,
And my lily-white columbine,
And his eye was lodging on my budgerigar
As he took my parrot from behind -
He was setting on my shoulder at the time.

Then all of a sudden with a gasp and a gulp
He clapp'd his wings to his head.
He fell flat on his back with his feet in the air-
My bantam cock was dead!
And the vultures circled overhead.

What a fine young bird, what a champion cock,
What a way to live and to die!
But as I dug him a grave to protect his bones
From those hungry buzzards in the sky
The bantam opened up a sly little eye.

He gave me a wink, and a terrible grin
The way that rapists do.
He said, "Do ye see them silly daft buggers up there?
They'll be down in a minute or two,
They'll be down in a minute or two!"